The Reality of Solo Isolation

Whether you’re having to self-isolate away from your loved ones, or you’re living alone through lockdown, this post is for you. From a fellow lone wolf, this is what I’ve learned from my experience so far.

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Disclaimer: This advice is drawn purely from my personal experience of solo lockdown as self-employed travel blogger at home in Scotland. For official advice on Covid-19 or issues relating to mental health, please follow the advice given by your government and health care service.

This post was published at the beginning of week four in isolation/lockdown. I will update it if necessary to reflect my experience and add any new suggestions.

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The windows are as wide as the hinges will allow, facilitating the maximum flow of fresh air that you can hope to circulate within four walls. The ninja-like antics of the squirrels in the back green are more mesmerising and comical than usual, and even when sat on the other side of the room, it’s as if the sing-song of the birds is playing from Surround Sound speakers.

I am the human embodiment of those cartoon memes depicting a stereotypical ‘lockdown’ female: hair scraped back with my now too-long fringe pinned to the side; no bra; no makeup; and a stay-at-home wardrobe featuring various combinations of pyjama bottoms, t-shirts which have been relegated from my actual wardrobe, and over-sized, stained hoodies.

I’m writing this from the dining table next to the window, in my wee tenement flat in Edinburgh, during one of the most surreal experiences of our lifetime.

Hello, from my home to yours. I hope you’re doing okay.

I had a one-week head start on lockdown in the UK, after a spell of precautionary self-isolation. Before social distancing became ‘a thing’, I naively enjoyed midweek cake and hugs at my Gran’s house for my Stepdad’s birthday.

In the days before that, my Mum had undergone invasive dental treatment which, unbeknown to us at the time, was carried out by a dentist who tested positive for the virus shortly afterwards.

Like many of you, I have found myself in a position I could have never have imagined: work ceased and wings clipped. My family and I didn’t develop any symptoms, but every day I become aware of others who have not been quite so lucky. This gives me perspective whenever I pine for the Scottish Islands, or for an invoice to be paid into my account.

I’m a full-time travel blogger, and I offer Itinerary Planning for visitors coming to Scotland. As expected, I lost all my upcoming campaigns and itinerary planning clients. I have retained a 16-hour contract – managing social media and writing content for the tour company I used to guide for – so that keeps me busy for two days a week; financially, it covers only part of my outgoings. For the rest, I am left to my own devices and wishful thinking.

The future is uncertain. I know I will be on my own for an indefinite amount of time, but I also know that there are lots of people in the same position. We might be isolated, but we’re not alone.

After one of my increasingly regular spells of contemplating life in solo lockdown, my curiosity led me to run a poll on my Instagram Stories to find out whether my audience were in lockdown on their own, or with other people.

I was surprised to discover that 45% of the respondents were flying solo: I had expected this number to be much lower. My next question was about how they were getting on, and 60% said they were ‘riding the storm just fine’, while the other 40% were ‘cracking up’. I imagine there is no happy medium.

Let me tell you though, I can absolutely relate to both. I’ve been Olympic-style, long-jumping from one end of the extreme to the other; sometimes daily, sometimes by the hour. If there was a metaphorical image of me going through the motions, it would look exactly like my efforts to remain upright during my first attempt at Stand-Up Paddle Boarding on choppy Loch Fyne in the spring of 2019.

Despite the ever-impending wobbles, I am at peace with our current reality. I understand the importance in what we are being asked to do, and accept that I have no control over it. It’s almost easier to deal with solitude when you know that there is no other option: when your fate has been temporarily sealed, for the greater good.

As we watch global history unfold, it’s like being part of a live (anti-) social experiment, with millions of participants, none of whom had any idea what they were getting into. I’m winging it just like everyone else, but I have found a few ways of making solo lockdown a somewhat easier and more positive experience. It’s early days, but if my experience can help others, then I know I’ve done something worthwhile.

These suggestions may seem starkly self-explanatory, but sometimes you just need a wee virtual nudge from an empathetic outsider to keep you in check.

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1) Focus on the positives

I believe that even in the most challenging and unprecedented situations, there will always be positives you can pluck out from the madness. Gather these thoughts and hold them close. One way to do this is to take some time each day to write down all the things you’re grateful for.

Depending on when I need a wee boost, I do this first thing in the morning or right before bed. I start with things like the roof over my head, the food in my cupboards, my warm bed and hot shower. In the current situation, I now include daily fresh air, the NHS and the fact that my friends and family are healthy.

I list the positive things which have happened that day: an uplifting phone conversation, supportive comments from my readers, puppy cuddles, the sunshine on my daily walk, and the homemade chocolate cake my friend left on my doorstep.

Look at being on your own as a positive thing. You are only responsible for yourself. You are free from any noise, compromise or conflict. Your time and personal space is all yours. Try not to compare yourself to the happy families and cute couples you see on social media. No-one’s situation is perfect; we all will struggle at some point.

I have so much respect for the people who are entertaining and home schooling young children, and I feel sad for those who are stuck in vulnerable or abusive situations. In the past, I have felt suffocated and intimidated in my own home, and I regularly remind myself how much better it is to be on my own than in a situation like that.

Something else to consider is that this situation is a unique opportunity to completely slow down. Our lives are busy and fast-paced; regularly performed on auto-pilot. I put myself under immense pressure to tackle my never-ending list of tasks, and often feel uncomfortable and restless when I try to stop and relax.

Now is the time to press pause. This is your chance to sleep a bit longer, to read, to cook, to meditate, to work on a new idea or project, or just to binge Netflix. Think about the things you want, or don’t think about anything at all.

I am taking this time in this peaceful existence to dream of the future. I imagine all the laughter and sentimental chats with my friends when we all gather in the pub again; carefree hugs and quality time with my family; going out for brunch; taking a scenic rail journey to the Highlands; sitting by the sea on one of the islands; browsing the supermarket shelves at a leisurely pace – no more social distancing or panic buying. It’s going to be amazing!

We are all guilty of taking things for granted; our freedom, our health, our loved ones. This crisis could be the pivotal point where things changed for the better. We will only need to think back to when these things were jeopardised or taken away, to appreciate what we have and what really matters.

A positive mindset will really help during these testing times, but it’s important to recognise that you can’t be positive all the time. It is normal to feel worried/anxious/lonely and you shouldn’t ever give yourself a hard time for it. If you’re having a bad day, just keep reminding yourself that all of this is temporary, and the way you’re feeling will pass.

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2) Stay connected with the outside world

One of the hardest things about solo isolation is the lack of physical and social contact. Staying in touch with your loved ones is essential for tackling loneliness, and technology has stepped in to facilitate this more than ever before. Use it to your advantage.

I have never been a fan of video calling; probably something to do with having to look at my own face in those awkward camera angles. That has all changed however, and I now think they’re a godsend!

I’ve done one-on-one calls, conference calls with multiple participants, and even had a Saturday night online house party with my friends. Seeing everyone’s faces restores a bit of happiness and normality, and I honestly forget for a wee while that I’m on my own.

If video calling isn’t your thing, do whatever works for you, whether its phone conversations, emails or instant messaging. Online interaction can extend out-with your circle of friends and family, by joining groups on Facebook. I’m active in my local community group, and several groups relating to travel to Scotland.

Although social distancing rules are in place – and should absolutely be adhered to – there’s nothing to stop you smiling at strangers in the street, or asking your neighbour how they are doing; from a safe distance, of course.

I speak to my friends, family and colleagues every single day, and although we are apart, I actually feel closer and more connected to them. In fact, I feel less on my own than I did before this all happened.

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3) Limit your time on social media

Social media can be both a blessing and a curse when it comes to navigating your way through a global pandemic. It’s so easy to fall down a rabbit hole, and I admittedly spent far too much time scrolling through news articles, videos, and social media discussions during my first week in isolation.

Naturally, we all want to stay informed and educated on the current situation, but if the constant stream of media coverage, conspiracy theories, and online hysteria is triggering your anxiety, you may benefit from taking a digital detox.

Disconnecting from social media seems like a no-brainer, but weaning yourself off is much harder than it sounds. I know people who have deleted Facebook altogether, and have only kept Messenger to stay in touch with friends and family.

If that’s too extreme, you could try switching off your notifications to prevent you being lured in every time you glance at your phone. If you have greater willpower, allocate time each day to put your phone away, and disengage from the online world. And with that, comes the perfect opportunity to focus on something else.

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4) Set realistic plans for the day

There’s no denying that you feel better when you’ve had a productive day. Now is a great time to get stuck into any wee projects or jobs around the house you never had time to do, IF you’re feeling up to it.

Staying busy and focused keeps any negative/lonely thoughts at bay, and gives you some all-important structure and routine in these unusual circumstances. Try not to be too ambitious with your grand plans, however.

Let’s be honest, none of us are operating at full capacity. Even with the best set intentions, there’s still the whopping, unavoidable distraction of the current global crisis to deal with.

You don’t have anyone else in the house to give you a wee motivational kick, or to team up with you on workouts, cooking or home improvements etc. My advice is to start with small tasks and a basic structure to your day.

Some people benefit from writing a detailed to-do list or daily plan, and if this works for you, this is a great way to set up your day and get you focused.

Personally, when I don’t manage to tick everything off the list, I feel disheartened at my perceived lack of productivity. This approach is therefore counterintuitive, as it triggers my anxiety and demotivates me.

Instead, I assign myself just ONE main task each day. This can be anything from cleaning my flat or clearing out cupboards, to writing something for social media or brainstorming ideas for new projects. If I manage to do more, that’s a bonus.

I loosely plan my routine in advance, but I switch this up every day depending on how I’m feeling. So far, I’m finding that I prefer to exercise and do some work in the morning, get outside and do less mentally demanding tasks in the afternoon, and save my leisure time and social interactions for the evening.

When I’m not being productive, I do things that I enjoy; speaking to my friends, researching destinations for future travel, or dancing around my living room to 90s dance music. If I can’t be bothered doing any of the above, I curl up on the couch and spend a guilt-free day reading or watching films.

It’s easy to feel like you’re not doing enough when everyone seems to be smashing their quarantine goals, and you’ve just spent the day living your best life as a couch potato. Don’t benchmark yourself against anyone else. Give yourself a break. This situation is emotionally challenging enough, without any additional stress or self-imposed guilt trips.

Celebrate the small wins. I give myself a metaphorical pat on the back for anything I’ve managed to do; cooking something from scratch, managing some exercising, completing my blog-related tasks, and not losing my mind. The day I managed to increase the pressure in my boiler was an extra special victory.

I thought I would use this time to do lots of reading and writing. The reality is that this is the first blog post I’ve written, and I’ve read just one book. I don’t do a workout or yoga every single day, I’m shite at baking, and I’m far from being a domestic goddess.

You know what though? I’m okay with that.

If you don’t want to learn a new language or undertake a mini home renovation, don’t worry about it. You’re managing to get by on your own, and that’s enough.

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5) Treat yourself, every single day

Life as we know it has changed for the foreseeable, and the parameters for our enjoyment have suddenly shrunk. That doesn’t mean you can’t have a good time, however. Do something nice for yourself every day, and embrace life’s simple pleasures.

Every morning, I lean out of my wide-open window, breathing in the fresh air while sipping on a hot cup of tea. I look forward to my next cup of tea – often with biscuits – and to the one after that. I plan my dinner each day, and I get excited about preparing it.

Who knew that sitting down to chicken fajitas or prawn and chorizo spaghetti could be such a momentous event?

Despite having a couple of bottles of red wine in the kitchen, I haven’t drank much at all. My anxiety is heightened with a hangover, which is why I’ve avoided it. There’s nothing wrong with having a wee drink, but I wouldn’t recommend drinking to excess, as it’ll only make you feel worse.

I’ve given myself mini facials and hair conditioning treatments. I washed my fleecy blanket in a heavenly scented fabric softener, and I bought a watermelon Yankee candle which I burn every night.

I created a playlist of my favourite songs, and I’m also planning to work my way through various films which are reminiscent of my youth.

Admittedly, my pick-me-ups are usually – although not exclusively – of the edible variety. I’ve not been binging by any means, but if I fancy something, I’ll have it. Allowing yourself to have more treats than usual, also means accepting that a bit of weight gain is inevitable.

This is something that I struggle with, but that I am coming to terms with, so that I can allow myself the pleasure of unrestricted eating for the time being.

Now, I’m not suggesting that you form a permanent trail of crumbs to guide you between the kitchen and the couch, but if you want to, for the timing being, I say, have your cake and eat it.

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6) Breathe and move

If you are able, and are permitted to do so, get outside every day to stretch your legs and deeply inhale the fresh air. When you’re spending most of your time indoors, venturing into the world outside is guaranteed to lift your mood and heighten your senses.

During lockdown in Scotland, we can leave our homes to pick up essential supplies from the shops, or for one form of exercise: walking, running or cycling. I’m lucky to live within walking distance of several green spaces, including Arthur’s Seat and Calton Hill, and all my friends and family live nearby too; there has been a lot of over-zealous waving and shouting up at windows on my daily walks.

It is still almost impossible to match the level of activity you would in a normal day of going to work and the gym, but you can still make an effort – even during your time indoors. Open your windows wide, and find a guided meditation, yoga class or fitness video on YouTube.

I aim to do some form of stretching most days, and I try to offset some of my indulgence with a weekly plan for home workouts using kettlebells, dumbbells and resistance bands.

When I don’t have the energy for anything hardcore, I still love going for a brisk walk each day, for a much-needed blast of fresh air, and to observe the sparsely populated streets and public spaces.

Find something that makes you feel good, and do what you can. 

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7) Give yourself some credit

We are living through global history in the making. This is something we have never experienced before, and couldn’t possibly have prepared for: we are simply learning and adapting as we go. Doing this solo, without any face-to-face communication, or the comfort of a cuddle, is something to be proud of.

We have all gone through this together, and we’ll forever remember the time when the world came to a stop, and we kept going – at home, on our own.

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Stay safe and positive everyone!

Kay 💙

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